I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
