i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
