go do what you do best...puke behind churches
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
