I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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