dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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