You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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