It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
