Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think my fart just growled at me.
if only i could text you this smell
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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