She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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