is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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