yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
