that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
