I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
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