you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
