My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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