somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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