I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
