home. puking in laundry basket.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
