so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
