I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
