The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
