If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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