id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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