So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
