my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
