Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It all started with a game of naked twister.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
