your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
