so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
