You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
