How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
