how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I am available for nakedness
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