Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
