whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
