Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
