dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
