Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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