I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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