At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
