I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
