PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
