So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
