Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
