i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
