i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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