can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
