good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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