Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
