I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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