he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
