He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
