He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
