Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
