i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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