Betty ford says i'm here all night
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
