i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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