just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
