Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
